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August 30, 2004

And Twayuns!

We'll be the first to admit that there have been a lot of provocative beer commercials over the years: Bud Bowl, Whassup, etc. The Yes I Am guy for Bud Light, however, is a personal favorite. But in the last couple of years, advertising has made us sad, with its reliance on tired, lame tropes of male 'preferences', e.g. the Twins!, or the recent one where a montage of men say "I have dated a woman for her brains. Her BIG...BEAUTIFUL...BRAINS" [Ed. note: when they say brains, they mean breasts]. It makes our eyes melt and our ears congeal with hate to witness these commercials. It's insidious and clever because the 'brains' line can be interpreted on several different levels, across demographics: you've got the people who will think to themselves and then actually say to the TV, 'oh yeah dude, I feel you on that one, wink fucking nudge wink' and then chaw up their cheeks with some menthol thin-cut Red Man and beat their dog with a tire iron, etc. And then there's your standard normal US male, who, while he can acknowledge to himself that what they're saying (in the commercial) is funny, KNOWS that he could and probably should never express anything like that in front of a standard US female, if he wants to be regarded as a mature, sophisticated person, and not as some prognathic-jawed asshole. Ahh, it all becomes very complex and depressing after a certain point, and really, it's just annoying. And it's all Coors' fault, that smug bastard up in his Aspen terrarium (he is a walking lizard, did you know that?), spreading his exothermic filth all over the place.

Of course, this post wouldn't be complete without a mention of Zapp Brannigan's pick-up lines from that one episode of Futurama where Kif first tries to date Amy: "Oh! Ahem! I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies".

Posted by matt at August 30, 2004 11:00 AM

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