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March 16, 2005
Queer Eye for the Center Fielder
Well, if all of non-greenideas America wasn't already sick of the Red Sox, they sure as hell will be when last season's World Series champs (!) appear on the season premiere of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Johnny Damon, Kevin Millar, Doug Mirabelli, Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek are all set to get the Fab 5 makeover.
I think it's a cute idea, and they can do whatever they want with the last four of those guys, but I wish they'd just stay away from Johnny D. For one thing, aesthetically speaking, he's fine the way he is (and he's got those eyes you could just get totally lost in...). But more than that, if there's one thing last season proved, it's that his power clearly resides, Samson-like, in his hair. Fortunately, a contractual obligation surrounding his forthcoming book (and tour) prevents him from cutting his hair. But the beard is fair game, and we've seen repeatedly that as his beard grows, so does his on-base percentage.
On a side note: Dear god. What is wrong with me that I can't help but go straight to the gutter when Carson Kressley is quoted as saying (Re: the Sox/QEftSG cultural exchange) that "They're teaching us how to spit." It's not just me, is it?
Posted by matt at March 16, 2005 12:18 PM
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