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June 15, 2005
More than Just a Prefuse 73 Song
The following was originally posted over on my sometime other blog, hot chocolate boy, but Kev thought it warranted inclusion over here, and I just can't say no to that little guy:
Look, I don't want to bum anybody out here, but I'm hoping that by sharing my story, I might be able to help some of you who share my dread affliction. You see...
My name is Matt, and I'm a mint-o-holic.
It started recently when I was socializing actively, and I started getting really obsessed with having fresh breath. I'd always have a tin of Eclipse mints on me. Then it became more about being really bored at work and just needing something to break up the strings of e-mails and phone calls that fill up my time these days.
Now it's a bona fide addiction. I realized this today when I was eating one Certs Powerful Mint (the ones in the flat plastic rectangle) every few minutes. What happened next was positively horrifying. I ate one mint before checking my Outlook, and then, upon seeing an e-mail from this really stupid lady who'd been bugging me all day, I reached for the mints again without even realizing it. Somehow, I've turned retsin into some kind of narcotic.
God only knows where this will lead. All I ask is that, if you see me on the street, with flavor crystals caked on my lips offering sexual favors to a Blonde British woman in tennis whites, remember that I was once like you.
Posted by matt at June 15, 2005 03:11 PM
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Comments
Yes! Do you think there's a possible methadone-analogue for the mint-addicted?
Posted by: Kevin at June 15, 2005 09:22 PM
god i hope so, kevin. for my sake and for the sake of all of the miserable bastards who share my lamentable fate.
Posted by: matt at June 16, 2005 11:16 AM
hey, a good thing to try out are the ricola brand breath-mints.
they have a variety that taste just like the burnt-herb flavor of the cough drops of the same brand...but still have that th powerful jolt of the breathmint...
Posted by: rachel at June 16, 2005 02:04 PM
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